Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The air was thick with penises
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
