what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
