We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
