i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
