I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
