Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
