Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
