bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
