He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My penis needs a shock collar
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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