from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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