I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
