i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize