I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
