I CAN MOONWALK!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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