his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
