like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
