She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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