I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
