ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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