Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Randomize
