im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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