Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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