Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
