I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
