There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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