I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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