I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
