I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
