the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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