I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
