Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I fill condoms, not promises.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
