a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
