Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
time to smoke my breakfast
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize