I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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