I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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