So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
