Buhtt sex?
The best revenge is premature balding
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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