I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
