Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
