Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
