We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
