Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
even my farts smell like vagina
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
