I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
