so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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