"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
