I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize