I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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