This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
