wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you never un-have a 4some
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
