Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
