I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
