there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
