Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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