How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
