I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
