So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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