Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Couch. On fire.
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