He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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