he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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