Ambien. No doubt about it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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