Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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