dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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