She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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