Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
