youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
