4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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